xinyu drove, we squeezed 5 people in the backseat on the way home i think. =)

and she started whacking us ard in the car on the way home.. lol. madass kid.

then prata, and strip daidee where we took advantage of ginny. hee. that was fun.

she drove us home about 6am.. damn sweet of her.

love the girls. love them all lots!!
-MUACKX-

Thank you for a lovely time.

no car today. busbusbus. then cab home. or maybe i can call cliff. hehe.

in the past few days, i have had less sleep than is normal for a Cassan. Especially since this cassan is one who is recovering from 3 full days of regurgitation from both passages.

Friday night, 11.30pm.

I almost didn't ask them out because i couldn't find transport. In the end, i thought fuck it. If i was gonna wait for someone to get a car and ask the rest out, things will never get done. We didn't have cars and licenses back then but we managed well anyway. Why not now. So i messaged everyone about cabs and supper. And they agreed.

And fate decided to reward me for going ahead despite the circumstances. We managed to find transport in the end. YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cliff drove me and Sher to jalan kayu, then went to meet his friends. Pn and Ben came shortly after..

I had one cheese, one egg, one kosong, one bomb, Sher had a plaster, the guys didn't eat. (Fag.)

and i found a pubic-hair-lookalike in the bomb!!!! EWWW!!!! for fuck's sake... EWWWWWWWW!!!

and bloody ben went on about how it was a pubic hair, and how they make the prata with the dick.. then stupid sher started on how... "that's how they get the shape for the paper prata!!"

WALAOOOO!!!!!!!!!

but because of that comment, i remembered the line from Borat. haha.

"In Kazakstan, we do not make a wax to shave hair. It is a sign of beauty if more hair on pubis than on head."

HAHAHA!!!

after that was games at my void deck and my mom complaining she can hear us from the thirteenth floor... =/

ya right. don't bullshit la ma....

then pn went upstairs to shit. and when he came down...
"that was the most stressful shit in my life... cos all throughout, i have to put up with all the noise you all make..."

so it was true... oops... heh.

Xinyu came after 2, and left with Sher after 3... Ben, Pn and I eventually went to ponggol end to wait for the sunrise and ended up talking to a policeguy for a very long time. i tried to pee in the wilderness, but the coast guard ship was patrolling, and i felt so insecure, so i held my pee for 2+ hours. bah. couldn't they have driven faster and just, well, moved on???

anyway, guess what? WE FOUND A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE!!! how cool??!!! and one of the messages was this guy who said he wanted to screw Jessica Alba. hahahaa. all the best Mister. and we also found.. a bloated carcass of a little kitten, appendages broken and bent awkwardly, eyeballs missing, presumebly eaten by fishies. RIP kitty!

breakfast at maccas, i put in an informal complain about the service and the hair found in ben's hashbrown, then finally headed home at 11am.

11 whole hours with the two jokers i knew since we were just.. 12. Funfunfun. and much laughter and confessions. hehe.

it ended like this:

"cassan, really very nice to touch leh!" (refering to my fat calves.)
and he kept annoying him till my bus came.. and pn decided to join in the fun, and was amazed by the sensation of grabbing my fats.

I tried it myself on the bus. Shit. it felt like groping C cup boobs (with no nipples), albeit the skin being a little tougher, and pokey from the week old regrowth. hehe.

Those bloody pervs.
(I just told Pn, he disagrees. oh well.)



Saturday night, 7pm.

Dinner and shopping with Mommy, then movie with Cliff. Watched The Last Dance at Junction8. Fascinating seeing all the singaporean actors... i kinda enjoyed the show. =)

then we walked home from J8. yes, all the way home. took 2+ hours, including pittstops (instant dinner at a petrol kiosk).

message to cliff, "that was the longest walk i can remember enjoying, but let's not do it again."

Slept at 0630, and awoke at 1130 when sheryl called. was supposed to meet them for breakfast at 1130 but i slept through my alarm. haha. rushed up, then rushed down. breakfast was good, the comapany was better. xinyu joined us much later.

then it was doing-the-girly-thAng!!! whoooopeeeeedoooobeeeeedooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

robin, please get well soon, you know i love you!!! =p

Right now, i am waiting for Ginny to come pick me and yiwen up so that we can go whooopeedooobiiidooooo!!!!!!!! supper again. yeh!!!!!!


"Tired" is not an excuse for not meeting up with friends. If a recovering-from-sickness Cassan can put her tiredness away for her friends, so can you. Time is short everyone. Plus you never know what will happen in the next few moments. Treasure what you have now! Meet your long-lost friends today! =)


Sorry for long wordy post with no pictures. i promise to be less lazy, and take and post pictures. soon... =)

To the skinny girl who disabled her comments,

as far as i know, here's what helped me through a year:

Communication. Clear and proper communication.
Trust. Have faith in yourself, in him, in the relationship.
Honesty. If at any point of time, anything happens, tel lit as it is. Don't avoid the truth.


If both of you have it, plus the love, things should be alright.

Love,
the girl who has been there, and still trying to get through that horrible period of time.

i am veryvery sick.

anonymous keep telling me it's not yr of the tiger. yesyes i KNOW!!! bah.

i am smelly.
hair is skanky.
VERY HUNGRY.
yet not much point eating cos it all comes right out, one way or the other.
the toilet stinks.
my bin is puke-full
I AM VERY HUNGRY!!!

so veryvery sick. =(

"cass and xy...why do i always write the names side to side? because they announced themselves besties so why should i write them separately?"

thank you sara. and a very happy birthday to you my dear sexy ass!!

you people out of the blue always make me appreciate xinyu even more than i already do though of course there are times when we still want to bitch slap each other with a hearty slab of whale blubber.

third january two thousand and seven

the first time i clubbed since i came back.. i was gonna give it a miss, but it was sara's birthday!!!

and she got me addicted to clubbing again. horrible horrible.

grinding and writhing like skanky bitches in heat.
how could i have given that up??!!!

All that stuffiness, and every inch of you soaking wet with sweat and stinking to high heavens of smoke. Swagger and stumble on 4 inch heels that hurt your feet. Vice-like grip on the railing as you clamber up various steps, a caring friend behind you; she'll catch you if you fall. It's dark enough that no one can see, and no one cares if your skirt rides up a little too high, or if you flash on purpose. It's a club after all, you leave your morals and conscience at the door.

Thank you Sara for the abundance of alcohol.. I can swear, car-sickness because of cabby-from-hell, and bountiful alcohol, DOES NOT MIX AT ALL!!!

but it was all in the name of good fun. VERY good fun.

The alcohol in you asking questions that you probably wouldn't have before; the alcohol in them unleashing the truth. What's better than a night of bonding over alcohol induced honesty.


Thank you Cliff for picking us up, sorry sara, guan, and daphne that we couldn't fit all in..
Supper was great, the lame jokes even better.

I love you babyboo!


fourth january two thousand and seven

The next day, at country mana celebrating sara's birthday. The roses we bought from Mr bean that tastes like tauhuay!!! How cool is that??!!! hahaha!

yes, i know i lie alot. HEE.

all in the name of fun!!! =p

Had an alright dinner, accompanied with ghost stories and other crappy nonsense.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!!!

Love you manymanymany!!! -muackx-

Warning: An attempt at critical analysis. Very wordy.

The song

Auld Lang Syne.

Old school song often heard during New year.

A quest to find the lyrics to this song resulted in me trying to practice my critical analysis skills from lit lessons 2 years ago.

It's an old scottish tune that literally means "old long ago", or simply "the old times".

Below shows the full 5 verses of the song. The 2 verses that people usually sing are verses 1 & 5, and the chorus. Purple is the original lyric, black the translation, italics belong to me talking to myself.


Auld Lang Syne

Verse 1:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne!

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind.
should old acquaintance be forgotten
as with the old times

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

For the old times, my dear,
for the old times.
we'll take a cup of kindness---------------------- Why do you need kindness? to forgive past
for the old times. wrongdoings, or just a simple toast to friendship? fate has been kind to allow them to meet again?

Verse 2:

And surely ye’ll be your pint’ stoup,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

And surely you will pay for your pint, -------------- no free loader? a clear distinction between
and i will pay for mine. 2 parts, they don't function as a whole?
we'll take a cup of kindness yet they do not want to burden each other.
for the old times. a hint at a lack/decrease in familiarity? there is a polite social distance at the start, wary of how the other might have changed? Maturity. They can afford their own.

[Chorus]

Verse 3:

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine,
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot
Sin’ auld lang syne.

We two have run about the hillsides-------------- daisies a metaphor for girls or fun..
And pulled the daisies fine, reminiscing old times, freedom of youth,
But we have wandered many a weary foot innocence, which is no longer with the
Since the old times. responsibilities of adulthood, life has tired them out? weary foot = hard times? juxtaposition; run=lightfooted vs weary foot. imagery of transition from child to adult. wandered gives image of being lost/uncertain.

[Chorus]

Verse 4:

We twa hae paidl’t in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin’ auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream------------gone thru a lot together, spent a lot of time
From noon until dinner time, together.. broad roaring seas = obstacles?
But seas between us broad have roared a divider between the friends. distance; emo
Since the old times. & physical. juxtaposition of the calm stream and the roaring seas provides an imagery of the transition from stress-free childhood to harsh realities and responsibilities as an adult. seperation by the broad seas also hint at a lack of knowledge of the other's current situation. a sense of nostalgia maybe? is he coping?

[Chorus]

Verse 5:

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!

And here's a hand my trusted friend-------------a handshake. a sign of trust, reconcillation?
And give a hand of yours. peace offering, a familiar face at last?
We'll take a good will draught of ale--------------a toast to the friendship? to the journey they for old time's sake have travelled; apart, yet together. maybe the memory of lighthearted fun in the old times help them pull through during the toughest days?

[Chorus]

So.. this song is sung to say good bye to the old year, and welcome the new year right? How does the story line fit in?

Should old acquaintances be forgotten just because the year has gone by? The years may pass, by the memories should stay as they are the chains that will bring us together again someday.

To remember the peaceful streams maybe, but not the raging seas?

Life's experiences though somewhat different, bind us in it's similarity?

Friendship?

I suck at conclusions.. bah.

I somehow got sucked into the world of the literature specialists when i read the lyrics of the song. I just had to dissect the words, read between the lines, pick out the nuances, identify the techniques and...... it goes on. (not really, i can't really remember what else, my brain is slowing down, have not slept for.... too long)

Anyway, i had fun. And i miss literature so much.

And there you go. Auld Lang Syne.

Source:
http://web.ripnet.com/~nimmos/auld_lang_syne.html

Reflections

Another start to another beautiful year. My 3rd sunrise with Cliff, though 11 hours and 40 minutes into 2007, it has yet to rain.

Flashback to 2 years ago:

Cliff and me at the beach, drenched in the first showers of 2005. I've been wrapped up in a warm and fuzzy state of elation ever since.

The worst part of 2006, was spending 8 months physically apart from Cliff.
The best part of 2006, was surviving a year of long distance relationship, and still going good.

Gosh... TWO WHOLE YEARS!!!!!!!! i've actually been with the same guy for 2 whole years!!! and i'm not bored yet, i'm not..... erm... uh...........
Well.... i still haven't gotten enough of him!! =)



Moments of madness

I spent the last few moments of 2006, and the first few moments of 2007, with xinds, singuan, sarah, and ginny.

Our first time at fragrance hotel!!!! playing games, boozing (mostly just me and baileys =p), bitching (what else, it's a girl thing!), and going madass bonkers. Singing old school britney spears and backstreet boys, and dancing cliche moves to chinese pop songs. Counting down with vivo city on the miniature flat screen mounted high on the wall whilst jumping on the bed till the monopoly money was flying around.

I have just decided that i like Jaime Teo. She is nice (from long time ago encounter at famine camp), and she has stage presense. She looked so hot singing and dancing to man-eater on tv, just that each time she was doing an uber hot move, the silly camera angle was either focused only on her face (i wanna see their body move, not their lips!!), or moved to some other person on stage. bah. that's why i can't stand watching these stuff on tv, they never ever show the best bits!

On monopoly, I still can't believe i got into jail twice in the first round, and when i finally got out, everyone was on to their second and third round. And the moment i got out of jail, i paid rent cos i landed on someone's land. Every single chance and community chest card i took, made me pay the bank money. bah. It's as if my 2006 bad luck is trying to use itself up before it expires. Ha.

And yes, i barked quite a bit. I really can't help it. *hic. I enjoy pretending there's a dog around... *hic... *puking sounds in background*. hahaha. the i-am-a-drunkard-singing-emo-songs act!!!

Jiahe's friend thought there was a dog in the room.

*barkbark*
DOWN BOY!!! SIT!!!
*growling*
inside got dog ar???
*more barks*
STAY! SIT BOY!!! SIT!!!!

hahahahhahahaa. born to be. a bitch. =p

tho in the end there was only Singuan, Sarah and me left, we had boliao fun... just... talking. somehow for me it seems that the more i say it, the less of it is left to bother me in my mind. =)

to those who didn't make it, that's ok, there's always next year!!! heh.

all the best everyone, Happy 2007!!!! May we all find the answers to our situations!!!

Thank you my dear Girls, it was sensational and exquisite laughter and madness!!!!!
Thank you for the friendship, love, laughter, understanding, and more.



A couple years ago, when 2007 sounded and felt like light years away, I made great plans for 2007. Why? Because i like the number 7. And this is the year that "7" appears 3 times on my birthday.

And 3 x 7 = 21

And it so happens to be my 21st birthday!!!

So i had this warped idea that 2007 will be MY year, like, my lucky year or something; where all that i undertake will churn success.

I had so many plans, for so many different things.... and somehow i imagined that everything will just click into place automatically in 2007.

Guess what? Time flew; 2007 arrived in a spectacle of fireworks early this morning; i've been eyeing it closely so far, but the only thing i am certain of is going back down under to finish my degree.

No sign of any great plans at all.

*Cough*ooser cassan... *cough*ooser

Happy 2007.

i read through my old blog that i had not touched for 2 whole years..


2 nov 2004 1.04am

maybe one day, i will find someone who will accept me.
who will love me.
who will want me despite me.
who will tell me he loves me,
every morning noon and night.


found him. =)
there are so many reasons why he's so perfect, and i can never finish saying them all. dear friends, if you're sick of hearing it, i'm sorry. but i can't help it.

he is so perfect. perfect for me. =)


and in that old blog. that feelings that haunted. that what ifs and if onlys.
it's over. i'm glad it's over.

to a certain extent, glad it happened.

cos all things happen for a reason.
and if all that didn't happen, i wouldn't have found cliff.




this is my last post for the year 2006.
(the year with the least number of posts. i promise to do much better next year!!!)

i thought it would be a hard year.. but i got through it and pulled through with good results. At the same time, i strenghthened my relationship with both my BFs.

my first year overseas, coping with a new family, new environment, new school, new culture, and not having the most important people in my life with me physically. emotionally wise, they were with me every single step i took.

Thank you God, for a great year.
Thank you BFs, for yet another year, and let there be many more years to come.





End your year with a positive thought.

Think of someone that has done something terrible against you.

Now think of something good that has come out of it.

then try for the rest of next year, to forgive that someone based on the something good that came from the terrible thing he did.





just for thoughts:

who is the last person that you'll think of before you die?

the one who hurt you most, or the one who treat you best?
the one you were madly in love with, or the one who was madly in love with?
will you remember the pain, or the laughter?







Dear 2006,

Thank you, and Goodbye!!

from xinds's blog:

"I reckon people think of the past because it was an unfulfilled love. You think of something which was not whole and how it would be a fulfilled love when all the 'what ifs' and 'if only' have been included. But that does not mean that you want to trade the present for the past."

how very very very true.



read xiaxue's blog. on how girlfriends always flock towards the boyfriend's group of friends instead of the other way round.

another true but sad fact. like some innate animalistic masochistic thing where the girl follows, and the guy leads.

when i was the only girl attached, i tried to spend the big days with my girls, cos i didn't want to neglect them, or break the tradition that we were all used to, or disappear and spoil their fun, or make them think that i didn't care about them anymore. then the others get attached, and they start to drift. and then at some point of time, you realise that it's fine to leave your group of girls on such days, cos they've all pretty much left as well anyway.


one day, i'll have enough money to have my own house. with a large porch, a pool, and a nice back yard.

large porch for the cars, pool for entertainment, and the backyard for the gatherings. friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, everyone. just bring your own alcohol, and have potlucks and bbq.

it'll cater for all the events. no more headache on where to go. every big day, cassan's place!

(PS. no puking allowed. pukers should stay home like losers.)
sorry, i take that back. i'm a puker occasionally too. heh.

when dusty died, it was sudden.
she was perfectly fine that morning, but when i went home that night, she was lifeless and had ants crawling around in her ear.

with hamy, it's different.
first it was his right eye. it popped out, then it turned cloudy, and now it's all shrivelled up.

like a rotten grape.

now the same thing is happening to his left eye.

he's running around still, not as lively as before, but still a little active. he's still eating.. so that's good. "he's such a good boy!" the vet said.

but he's dying. and there's nothing i can do but to keep him comfortable till he goes.

he's about 13 - 15 months old now.. they say dwarfs don't live as long..

i'm sitting here and watching him die. yet he does not behave like someone who is dying.. he's fighting!

maybe he'll make it after all.. just maybe. i just hope he's not in pain.

all i want for christmas.. is for him to feel happy again.
if it's easier to die, then i'd rather he go.

Dear God,

you're taking another one of my precious away, again. he's a good boy. you'll like him.

Amen.

do you ever wonder what animal heaven looks like..?

chinchilla heaven will probably be a cool place.. because that's the kind of temperature chichillas like. lots of seeds and all types of their favourite food everywhere.. like raisins! there will be pretty wheels spinning everywhere.. but the wheels won't be stationary.. they'd be mobile.. and it'll go anywhere the chins want to go. and there'll be... steps of different heights.. because they like jumping around.. and cosy little tree houses for them to sleep in.

i hope my ham dosen't die.. i lost chin early.. i don't want the same to happen to ham..

my first week in singapore....

i have not met with anyone really... i should start meeting everyone...

28 dec, cygnus??? if you guys are free????

and i need to start working. seriously.




read the last page of the new paper just now.. that guy was going on about how china has no talents and hasn't won much..

like, HELLO??? china as a country may not have won much but tao li, and the table tennis girls, are all china born. yes, they may be singaporeans now, but they were born and bred in china! without them, we'd have nothing.

count your blessings mr person-who-wrote-that.

she said, "today you lost a part of me... but when you get it back, it will be yours forever"

i am coming home tomorrow night. and i will be in singapore for a day. then i'm going to bangkok. those who want to catch me, try after 10 dec please? cos on the fifth i need to do the more important stuff.. like.. waxing myself from head to toe. my eyebrows are so bushy i can't see properly. my legs are so hairy i can't tell the colour of my skin anymore. my... AHEM. is so overgrown that i can't zip my jeans. and my armpit hair is so long that i plait it (yes, and i tie it up with pretty red and white polkadot ribbons) so that it won't tickle people's noses or arms on the bus. Oh. and did i mention? the other day a huge spider fell on my arm. within seconds, it disappeared into the fuzzyness of my arms and i souldn't find it. today, i saw it drop out when i showered- the spider got strangled to death by my hair.

just kidding.
(Thank you God for making me hairy, but not THAT hairy)



today i read a funny caption on a mug...

"Yes, Jesus loves you, but i'm his personal favourite."


i wanna be a santarina too. i'm jealous!!!!!

but i don't think i can keep up with the shaving armpits thing. wearing a tube daily scares me... BUT I STILL WANNA BE A SANTARINA!!!!!!


anw,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST WEIYING AND SHERYL!!!
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANI!!!!!!!

random pictures from my mobile, from the newest to the oldest...

say... MYSPACE!!!!!! hahaa.


lenotre's beautiful creations... i actually saw them piece the eifel towel together, piece by piece!!!! all the intricate artwork... molding the chocolate, melting, then sticking it together!!!! absolutely breathetaking!!!


and the chocolate flower thingie. sorry the picture is kinda blurred, i was so delirious with the amazing sights i went... limp. erm. sounds bad. hehe.



the fog one morning.... i couldn't see my park, and i couldn't see much further ahead of me.. made me think of literature.. i forgot the name of the book suddenly... but it was of mary and edwards and foghorns. family torn apart by love they were physically and emotionally incapable of articulating.




dani and me; gourmet chocolate shopping... feast your eyes on the chocolates we ate so much of that we felt sick. hehe.
seven reasons to eat chocolate... not that we need any at all...




pretty purple tree!!! i saw it and thought of estee!!!! i can see her taking wedding photos at this very spot, under the purple tree, on the wooden bench, with purple thingies floating slowly to the ground!!!!


i really don't know what it is.. it might be the flowers....

innovation. music from glass bottles...........
and music from upside down tubs. the guy won the extreme right was not part of the band. he was a passer by... who started tapping on a tub, and one of the band member passed him the drimsticks. super cool!!! and it wasn't noise they made, but pure music!

hidden footage from xinds and yokers in sydney. first night together!!!





i donno why dani is smiling. i fucking tied her head up so ugly!! and she did mine so nice and neat!!!

some french function at the hotel.. VVVIP. and we got painted with flags!!! =)


kris's expert driving the car into the hoist!

night out with colleagues... cassie, mel, and me.
and matt. who picked me up and swung me around. who is now a fitness instructor with fitness first.

girls watching movie on my lappie, in school. guess what movie..... hehe.
p a r i s h i l t o n h o m e m o v i e!!! hahahahahahaha. and i got a picture of them all. watching. porn. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

me and carol ages ago, dimsum outing.

dear sarah, enroll in my school. this is what lessons are about.. we drink alcohol. all sorts. =)

sighh.... prettypretty flavia.... i reckon german mixed girls are hot. cos flavia is french german, and she's gorgeous. this picture does not do her justice!!! and then there is annabelle. belle is german chinese and beauuuuutiful!!!

random pictures from randwick's spring racing carnival with sunny and mel..me and my little fascinator, which wasn't very fascinating... but that's ok. i like it. =)





random pictures from kris's birthday.......

Christmas shopping with nat... David jones has reqally nice decorations.. each of their display windows is set up to the theme of a different christmas carol.. i would have taken pictures of them all but the reflection so bad you can't see the display... so..... check out my reflection instead. =)
my favourite masks!!!! ON SALE!!!!!

Decoration at Myers...

my school's end of year party which was a pathetically boring affair. fun cos i had nat and kate with me! they made the night much better!!!
ahhh... my study buddy!!! =)


looking pretty and spying at gloria jeans across the road!!! haha!

nat's super nice shoes that i fell in love with!

kate's pretty heels..

my new shoes that hurt.

some of my school people...


and i have to mention this. I GOT DISTINCTIONS FOR ALL MY SUBJECTS!!!!!!!! and then i have to elaborate. because i only got credits for my assignments, i must have had done really really well (think high D!!!) on the final paper to have gotten my final score of distinctions. hehe. =)

well, that's one year down and two to go. i am officially a diploma holder, 4 years after graduating from secondary 4. sheesh..... i'm... OLD.