On intentions and uncertainties. On knowing the uncertainties, and choosing to ignore it.

There is the knowledge that no matter how intent you are on marrying someone, there always lurks the uncertainty. Uncertainty that he may not be the right partner, that he may fall for someone else, that you may fall for someone else, that accidents may happen and you may lose each other, that parents may disapprove, that you might get sick of each other, that future is unknown and anything can happen.

That “intent” does not relate to just marriage alone. It relates to anything. An intention to do/achieve anything! Maybe that bachelors degree that everyone wants. Maybe you might get side tracked and get your education informally through road trips and guilt trips and such instead. Maybe you might decide that acting is your talent and your talent gets discovered and you get instant fame and you don’t need a bloody degree anymore! Maybe some rich old man falls for nubile young you and he dies leaving you an inheritance that will keep you more than satisfied for the rest of your live! Maybe you discover your sexuality and spend your life fucking as a living.

All I’m saying is that, no matter how intent and focused we are on achieving something, there is always the possibility of the unknown. Some people choose to put the unknown aside and just concentrate on their intent. It does not mean that they do not know about the unknown, it just means that they choose to ignore it.

It’s like, running really fast, aware of the risk of falling down and injuring yourself, but you still continue running because that it what you want to do.

That is a short term metaphor. Long term wise, think of it this way: We are all going to die, the uncertainty lies in whether we die sooner, or we die later. But do we not all strive to make a better life for ourselves despite knowing the fact that we may die any day?




This post almost did not make it because of one call.. Cos i write better when i'm depressed.. (which is why i think lots of writers are depressed and tormented souls. i mean, who in a normal state of mind would churn out stories like hannibal eating guts or brer rabbit and his friends talking?! ) But I forced myself to sit down and write this, because I am in a serious mood, and this is one of the things I feel strongly about. Just so that you know, that call changed a lot of details of this blog. It was supposed to be presented in a third party manner, but I forgot all that I wanted to blog the moment you called.

Loving you lots and lots. (I’m still deciding between the white or blue stone! =p)

16 July 2006, early morning, somewhere in the sky


i am gonna post this as soon as i can...for some weird reason, i can't manage to get online on SQ's wireless, cos i don't have a credit card, and cos i can't remember singnet password!! grrr. i thought that paying $1230 for this flight ( out of my own earnings ok!! ) would at least allow for FREE internet connection. But what was i thinking. there is no free lunch in this world. The best i can do is to drink heaps of baileys, hopefully $1230 worth of baileys. Seriously, a bottle of baileys would cost about maybe... 50 bucks in the market?? i promise not to drink any baileys at all, can't i have free internet time instead?????

anyway, i am currently on a plane- SQ231, and my lappie batt is running really low. i had a truly enjoyable time in singapore- i spent lots of my time the way i've always wanted it.. with lots of my girls and my boys.. the best combination ever!! leonard called in the noon, jeanne messaged last night, cliff's mom called a couple of times, ginny messaged just now, sixiang messages, leng yeow passed a message thru wei an, i bumped into wei an at the airport- courtesy of ben, ben, sonny, yiwen, yinsiu, weiying, sheryl, xinyu, cliff and my mummy sent me off... i think it's the best sending off ever.. tho i cried the whole day.. =x i love these people with all my heart, and i hope this group of ppl remain.. always.. and forever.. =)


baby, i was watching she's the man just now.. the black guy and braces got together, and every thing ended happily ever after.. viola scored the penalty with the help of duke.. and it's gonna sound cheesy but she sent him a whole lump of cheese!!!

WILL THE FUCKING BITCH SITTING IN 65F STOP SHAKING AND BANGING THE SEAT??? I CAN'T EVEN TYPE PROPERLY AND YOU ARE FUCKING JERKING ALL THE WAY!!! seriously, i am gonna wait till she falls asleep then take my revenge. BITCH.


eh, dear BEST, 71 days till i see you, i presume it's about... 8 weeks... plus or minus. it's about 16 weeks till we're back in singapore... i can't wait!!!!! sigh. i love you miss best. without you, i won't have lots of my little luxuries.. cos i am too giam to buy it all.. and you and cliff know that... so you spoil me. thank you so much.


to the prawn fishing team, i love you all veryvery much...so sorry i farted a stink bomb in the car... AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. it was quite funny actually.. xinyu didn't want to open the car door despite my warnings... then.... she smelt IT!! muahahahahaha!!! so glad we caught all those prawns... XINYU CAUGHT THE FIRST ONE!!! and CLIFF CAUGHT THE BIGGEST ONE!!! AND WEIYING MADE XINYU AND ME OREO CHEESE BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!! WE LOVE YOUUU!!!!!!! and cassan fed the most prawns... =x


Dear boys and girls and mummy of mine, always know that no matter how low your life gets, there'll always be at least me, still loving you. you're beautiful, all of you! know your worth, and don't ever ever let anyone put you down. The only person who should ever be able to put you down is yourself.. and even then, i'll be there to keep you up. Be strong in all you do.. and may this special love we have last always and forever!


Cliff, did i mention? I don't wanna scare you but i can't see my future without you.. yea... =)

(Miss Best and other beloved friends, don't be jealous! you're my FRIENDS! and i'll never ever let you go!! )


i quote mei zhuo and xi men in meteor gardens, when they were talking bout when and if dao ming si will return to taipei.. if i'm not wrong, xi men said..

no matter how far he goes, he'll always come home, because all things aside, taipei is home.

similarly, no matter how many new friends we make along the course of life, we'll always return to the oldies.. because they're the ones we experienced the innocence, naivity and what's not of growing up with. Some memories can never be erased.. (unless you become senile, but that is another story..)



this is long winded cassan signing off.. =)

pictures should be up next week when the school's wireless is fixed... =) meanwhile, put up with my drawings pls.... =p

xinyu will be back in australia this........... thurs??? 20 july.

i finally ate my birthday cookiewhilst sitting infront of the heater. my God, it is the best place ever!!! which the heater blowing in my face.. VERYVERYVERY warm indeed!!!!!

Thsi is me with the heater blowing me. heh.


This is for entertainment purposes, a weird world!

i tried to blog earlier, but blogger was down...

i can't wait for the school's wireless to be set up!!!! =)

my tummy hurts...... alottt......... so many crampless years are coming back to haunt me all at once!!! grrr.

best- i did what u do alot today... i diarrhoead.... =/

a sydney weather update... it is so cold that my fingers are numb. yes, free aircon. but the sickening thing is you can't switch off this aircon. this is a ugly picture depicting me, and today. heavy rain, cloudy skies, puddles everywhere, me wrapped up in my school uniform with another sweater inside, (the sweater too thin!!) and the nice wooly scarf. it is so cold that puddles on the floor are freezing into ice blocks (in my opinion).

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XINYU VIDEO CALLED ME TO SING ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! so sweet can??!!!!!!!!!!

then the crybaby teared again.... =/

and last night at midnight, yinsiu called to sing me happy birthday too!!! =)

and then people like gracelina and yong jun actually remembered my birthday!!!! my gosh! i am a happy-cos-they-remember-but-sad-cos-i'm-not-in-singapore kid!!!








***********************edited 18 july 06

khaywee msged, yanjun msged, sophie (starhub) msged, esther, yiwen jeanne, ian, liuey, ginny all msged!!! =)))

happy me. =)

i have another post actually, but that can only come up tomorrow... cos it's saved in my laptop... and the school finally supports wireless broadband!

Thank God it's free!

You actually have to pay to use wireless on the plane.. i thought it came with thr ride!! =/




Happy Birthday to xinyu, 2 days ago... that was the night i left singapore....

Happy Birthday to me... poor lil' lonely kid all alone in sydney on her 20ld... It's kinda sad really.

You know sometimes when you miss something so much, you really feel this ache in your heart. suddenly your heart seems to pound really hard, it's this throbbing numbness that you feel. how can it be throbbing and numb at the same time you ask? i don't know. But when you feel it, you'll understand what i'm saying..

It really hurts.. i hope everyone back home is fine.. i love you all lots and lots!!

4e3 getogether. (i forgot how to spell ....... re...new...urn....)

quite a lot of people turned up.... it seems like nothing changed, yet so much have changed...

lots of us drove down, money isn't that big an issue now, lots of us have matured.. (like duh- it's been 4 years!!!)

but somehow we look the same... mostly.. huiwen lost soooooooooooooooo much weight... huiling has super long hair, and OH!!! lots of them have partners!!!! next getogether bring all partners along k!!!

and yesyes, I GREW BIGGER/FATTER/ROUNDER/HEAVIER/whatever other words.

i will lose it ok!!! bleah.




fuck. i just realised we didn't take a class photo!!!!!!!! fuckfuckfuck. how can i forget??!!!!! shit. fats corrupting my brain....





only ben, pn, xy, me (in order of age!) stayed.... so we slept very comfortably... felt kinda.... disappointed that more people didn't stay tho.... late night talks are always fun.. but oh well. we've all got our own lives and commitments now...

i guess.


Life must still go on, we're older, wiser, and next time we just won't need the chalet anymore. =)
it was good.. seeing everyone again.. =)

sorry i keep throwing tantrums..
i was bitchy, pissy, pms-y, over worked, and fatty.. it's an explosive combination.



for a while, i felt like a childish 16 year old brat again..

those were the days...