I’m feeling relatively depressed again. Maybe it’s that time of the month, maybe it’s not. I am suddenly sick of being miss bubbly, sick of smiling and being polite and civil all the time. But I know I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and smile again. Why? I don’t know

Lynnette Tan used to tell me that when she’s sad or angry, she sleeps. And she forgets everything when she wakes up. That idea grew on me and now i kinda work the same way too. So yes, tomorrow I will wear the happy mask again. Whether or not I actually feel happy, I do not actually know myself. Confusion

I wanna talk about my plans for the next 5 to 6 years, and currently, the only people person I’ve talked to about it is Xinyu.

Let’s outline it here just in case there is anyone who is reading this is interested.

If you are not interested in my life outline, then just close this browser now. I’ll understand, it’s just boring old me.. nothing much, nothing interesting.

Within the next 5 to 6 years:

Get a degree, speak Japanese fluently, and be able to speak Greek and French moderately, work in Hayman Island, America’s Disney Cruise ship, Japan. Yes, I know it means a lot of time away from Singapore, but if I don’t do all that when I can, I never will. And I do not wish to spend the rest of my life regretting.

These thoughts are still pending.. will always be pending till the day it actually happens. it might happen, it might not.

I wanna travel the world. I might just go back to the air stewardess plan in the end.

–shrug

Suddenly. Don wanna go home, don wanna stay here.

maybe i am more than relatively depressed. time for piercings? no. no time. no excess kyashu.

deprivation and abstinence.

You know, I’ve always enjoyed getting letters in the mail.. been like that since a kid. Even if it’s crap that insurance ppl send, I get excited. The world just dosen’t do snail mail much now.. It’s sad. Ppl don’t bother anymore. I make do with emails nowadays. But the age old favourite, will always be snail mails.

I freak myself out sometimes. I start imagining shit situations.. I think est might understand.. I need to stop. Stop rambling. Stop thinking.

Stop.

I saw 2 very pretty purple bedsheet sets I really wanted to buy for est. But it was damn expensive.

Time to start meditating again. Buddhism. Mantras. Calm the soul.

No, not a foot-washing-anything. Don’t think I ever will be.